Hi, its been a while. I had a post sitting in my drafts for a while now, but looking back at it I realized I’d rather start new and make a small little post as summer is starting to end.

Almost the entirety of my last post was me talking about how horrible things were and it was all around kind of depressing. I do think it was great that I got that out of my system but its amazing how much things can change when you start to look at the silver lining of everything.

There is a full moon tonight, I’m probably going to go outside and smoke a couple cigarettes while I listen to the song I linked above. Lately my heart has been very full with gratitude and love for all of the people around me. Thank you if you are here reading this and thank you to those of you who are my friends as well.

This past year has been pretty hard, I got very sick and have been on and off medications trying to figure out the best form of treatment. I was in a lot of pain, but thanks to those I had around me, I toughed it out. With that being said, I also became pretty reclusive during the peak of my illness and stayed at home a lot. It was very hard for me to leave the house at one point, and I felt like everything was falling apart. But now my long term treatment is starting to work, and I am finally much more comfortable in my own body than I was before. Spring came and so did summer, and this change in the weather has reminded me that with time all will fall into place. For once in my life I can say that I’m excited for the future despite my circumstances and I am ready to move forward.

Over the summer I took it upon myself to take a couple leaps of faith and let go of my fears. I have been so afraid for so long about many things, but I think I realized that my past bad experiences shouldn’t stop me from trudging forwards. Time moves on regardless so why not try to improve upon myself in the mean time?

I plan on getting a job I actually enjoy and possibly go back to school in these upcoming months. I am halfway done with getting my license (FINALLY!) and I also have a couple of solo trips planned to go visit friends who are away at college and what not. I want to get into a few new hobbies and I am very excited.

I am so grateful for the people I’ve met over the summer, and to those I have always known I feel as if my bond with you all has grown 100x stronger. I couldn’t have gained half of the courage I have now if it weren’t for my dear friends. I love you all and I feel so content! Thank you for being there and cheering me on. I couldn’t have asked for anyone better to be surrounded with. I hope you can lean on me as much as I have with you. You are the light at the end of the tunnel.

To end this off I want to share a poem that my friend Taraneh showed to me. (Since thats just fitting for the theme of this post) I thought it was very touching and I hope you all find meaning in it as much as I did.

I Saw in Louisiana A Live-Oak Growing

by Walt Whitman

I saw in Louisiana a live-oak growing,

All alone stood it and the moss hung down from the branches,

Without any companion it grew there uttering joyous leaves of dark green,

And its look, rude, unbending, lusty, made me think of myself,

But I wonder’d how it could utter joyous leaves standing alone there without its friend near, for I knew I could not,

And I broke off a twig with a certain number of leaves upon it, and twined around it a little moss,

And brought it away, and I have placed it in sight in my room,

It is not needed to remind me as of my own dear friends,

(For I believe lately I think of little else than of them,)

Yet it remains to me a curious token, it makes me think of manly love;

For all that, and though the live-oak glistens there in Louisiana solitary in a wide flat space,

Uttering joyous leaves all its life without a friend a lover near,

I know very well I could not.